I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
