i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
