And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
