singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize