Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
