When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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