Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
