I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
