I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
