Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
