He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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