My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
