I think i sorta joined a cult last night
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
