I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
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We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
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Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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