he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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