After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
