well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
found the other keg... it's in the tree
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
