there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
