writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
