i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
