Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
