now i know why i became what i already was.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
