My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
