I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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