That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
