I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
