So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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