How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
