I looked at my own cervix.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
