his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
