dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
