just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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