I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
