i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
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We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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