Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
