I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
My cat gives me a boner
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The feeling are messing with the penis
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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