That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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