i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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