I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
