Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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