So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
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Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
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Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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