I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
