Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
