the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
