she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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