I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
