im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
