I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
