You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
