PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
