I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
