I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
