I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
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