ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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