It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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