Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
