Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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