We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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