Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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