You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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