So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
