they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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