There is no way he is gay with that hair.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
