I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
